Episode 002. Full transcription - Sensibly Happy Podcast
Hello everyone! I’m glad to welcome you back on my podcast Sensibly Happy. And this is episode number two.
Just a small reminder what was in the previous episode. We spoke about happiness. Actually, we tried to analyze can we notify moments of happiness in our daily life. And it seems that we weren’t aware of these moments. That’s why the task for the previous week was to recognize what brings us happiness in daily life and try to notify those moments and record them somehow. And to be honest, I’m really glad that some of you spent your time and shared with me privately those moments. I believe that most of you are interested in those stories, so I’ll share them with you at the end of the episode. So, please, stay tuned and listen to the very end.

Who you are?

Today we have a special topic. I know that it’s related to anyone, who’s listening right now. Today’s topic is: ‘Who you are? What kind of personality you are?’. And what is most important – ‘How do you know that? Where do you have that information from?’ I understand that this question may sound weird for you. But, please, don’t judge too quickly.

Are you sure?

To bring you a clear picture what I’m speaking about, I’ll tell you one story from my past experience. Working in one of my previous jobs I had a colleague who was having some troubles in the office. And he knew that the reason for those troubles wasn’t an environment of the office or daily routines there. But he felt that the reason why my colleague hasб was actually the approach which that person used to handle tasks on working place. So I shared with him my thoughts and suggested ideas on how he can change his approach, his behavior to have better results.

You probably know such situations when you try politely give some ideas to a person with a desire to help. Of course you shouldn’t always try to help someone, especially if that person doesn’t ask you. Anyway, I’ve tried to do this. But I’ve got an unexpected reaction in return. The answer of the colleague was: ‘How can I change myself? If I change those things I will stop being myself then!’. I’ll repeat that answer: ‘If I change myself, I will stop being myself even if things that I want to change are negative ones’. Don’t you feel that something is wrong here?
Probably my colleague didn’t like what I told him and he reacted this way. But there is the behavior of the huge amount of different people who share the same belief in this answer. “I am who I am and I will be that person till the end of my life”. And here we came to the topic of the current episode. Who you are with those frozen characteristics and how do you know that this is true? Of course, everyone knows what he or she is. Like I’m male or female, I’ve got some skills, I love such things and so on. But if you look back in time on your life you will see that most of those features were told by someone else to you and that relates to most of the spheres in your life.

Here are my examples of such thoughts about me

To explain you that idea in more details I will share with you some stories of my childhood. The most commonly used phrase that describes me was used in my school by the teachers. And it was: ‘He’s a smart boy, but very lazy’. Of course I was interested in first part of that sentence and that gave me joy. But I didn’t realize at that moment that they started to treat me lazy without even notifying that. And why I was lazy based on teachers’ conclusions? Because I didn’t like to do my homework. And my marks were far away from being ideal. At that moment I had read a huge amount of different books not related to the school program, and I crafted different things from wood, from metal and glass. So now I realize that I was hard working enough not to treat me as if I were lazy. But nobody from teachers told me that. That means that in my eyes, based on their words, I started being lazy. And if I’m lazy why should I spend more efforts? I’m lazy and this is part of me. Looking back I can tell right now that we can rephrase: ‘That boy doesn’t like to do what teachers ask him to do but at the same time he does a lot of other different things’. But through the years I’ve been treating myself as a lazy person.
There is another similar story. And this one doesn’t look as obvious as previous one. Once my grandmother had her birthday. So, me, my mom and my brothers came to her as people usually do. There were also other relatives. Probably I was 11 years old at that moment. And while all adults were in living room at that moment I wanted to drink something so I came to the kitchen to take some compote from a refrigerator. And at that moment suddenly one of relatives came to the kitchen as well and he saw that I’m opening the refrigerator where actually cake was stored. Probably it looked like I wanted to do something with the cake. For instance to take some cream or something. And the only phrase that I heard from that relative was ‘Please, don’t do this’.
From that moment I started thinking of myself as a tricky and sly person, that can do a lot of different things that nobody sees that. And definitely, right now, I don’t think about myself like that but it doesn’t matter, because while being a teenager I was thinking about myself badly. And now the most influencing story which affected my life drastically. I don’t want to tell who was that person I just describe that it was a person who played huge role in my life. So words that I heard was similar to that: ‘You would be able to do different things in your life, but none of those will be done ideally’. For me that meant that it doesn’t matter what I’m starting to do – the result wouldn’t be ideal. So what motivation do I have without believing in the final result? Moreover, what should I choose in my life? What should be my profession? I knew what I liked at that moment, but should I start learning that? That’s probably why I’ve started switching from one thing to another without finishing each of those. Because I didn’t believe in final result. There are also a lot of different other examples. But instead of listening my stories you can dive deep into your own life and your own features.

Am I that kind of person other told me

Who am I? Am I lazy, sly with no final good results? And who are you? Based on the feedbacks that you received in your childhood. We returned back to the topic of the episode: Who you are and how do you know that? Here’s an interesting thing – if you believe in something, you’ll try to find additional evidences that this is true. That means that once you received feedback from one of adults, you started thinking about yourself in new way. And every time faced with the similar situation you just saw evidence that the person was right. That’s how you have most of your beliefs about your personality. I understand – it’s really hard to accept that, but once you consider that idea, you will start look on your life differently.

Six groups of personal features

To help you see that in more structured way, I would suggest to you several groups of those characteristics. One group is your appearance and body features.That could be anything – your weight, how does your face look like and so on. Second group is your intellectual abilities. This is actually can you handle complicated intellectual tasks. Third group is your emotional and behavioral skills.  For instance, how easily you communicate with others are you stay calm in tough situations and other similar features. Forth group is your creativity and fantasy – how easy for you to draw something or to be a musician or any other kind of artist. Fifth group is actually your motivation. What drives you. For instance about one person, people or even parents can say ‘you think only about yourself’. And the last group is all the rest of beliefs.

Right now looking on our past past prizm of years we can see that all those influencers most likely changed our life, showed us who we are were actually wrong in the different things. Do you see what I’m going? If you know the person well and you know that the person is not always right or even not in 70 percents of all the situations. That means that the person was probably wrong when giving feedback to you. What skills does this person has to judge you properly and to give qualitative conclusion. And if that person was wrong that means that at least in some situations you didn’t know who you are. Because your beliefs were wrong. And all the evidences that you collected through the life were just filtered and collected just because you heard that feedback previously, which created those filters to you. And that means that right now you have a lot of work to do to explore yourself. Also consider one more thing. Right now you are older, with new experience, with new obtained or improved skills even without realizing those. Thus even feedback from adults was right at that moment, right now you are different person.

You are limiting yourself

Why it is so important for you? Because having those beliefs about yourself but not being that person you are limiting yourself mentally. For instance I can’t create music, because I have mathematical mindset. Or, I will not play football professionally, because my body is weak. There are lot of different opportunities around us. And with such beliefs we will not let ourselves even try to do this. But how can you explore yourself if you don’t try different things? So we have thousand of different areas and once heard from other person that this one is your area doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try other areas. Because someone told you something once? Your limits come to play if you have some opportunity which you can use just to enjoy the moment but you reject that because of your beliefs. If you like those beliefs that you have receive from other people then this podcast is not for you. But if you feel that you got stuck somewhere and you want to change something but you don’t know what to start from – then you have the task for the next week.
Please, take those six groups of beliefs, (you can get list of those groups in episode show notes) and check each of those to recognize your own ones. Write them down on any electronic device or paper.The best way to do this is to start thinking of your past. Start reminding yourself what have you heard from your relatives, your parents, your friends and other people who had an influence on your life. Please, start this process right after the listening to this episode because you need a time to recall those moments. And in two or three days you’ll start seeing more clear picture.Having those memories restored – just write them down. But please, if you feel that it’s not too personal – share it with others. You can’t even imagine how it could change others lives. By that you let them know that they are not alone with their problems. Please, go to sensiblyhappy.com and right into comments under episode 002, or you can go to Facebook page, find post about this episode and write comments there.
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